A Fanfiction Writers Guide to Muses
by Pikeru's Angel
Summary: Muses are wonderful things, are they not? If you chose not, good for you! Your muse may be, but is not limited to being horrible, egotistical, and occasionally violent. For more information, read on.
1. Intro

**Introduction**

Muses are wonderful things, are they not? If you choose not, then this Guide is for you!

Now, as we all know, muses come in many shapes, sizes, colours, species, and temperaments. Although they usually have one thing in common. They help us writers pump out the amazing stories we know and love called fanfiction. Of course that doesn't mean muses are easy to work with. No, No, NO! They're awful! Take it from someone who knows! So this was brought into the world to help you with your egotistical, bratty, and occasionally violent muse.

Of course all muses aren't the same! If they were there would be no need for this! Okay, there might be, because some people need help with a superficial witch-with-a-b of a muse. The point is, we all need a little help from the Guide, even the person writing it. And trust me, the person writing it is writing it from a dark corner as her own muses fight it out SMBB style.

So read on, my good friend. You need all the help you can get.


	2. Chapter 1: Character Muses

We've all seen them. That little cheeky centaur on your shoulder or the Man Mountain looming in front of your computer screen. We all have one! They can range from major light OOC to major light creepy, but that doesn't change the fact that they're there. And these are the muses that usually cause the least amount of trouble, so feel free to zone out during paragraphs.

Now it all depends on what character the muse is for what inspiration they give off. That and what you ship. Let's begin.

Artemis Fowl (Jr.): He's the most common so listen up! He's egotistical. He's irksome. He's a genius. He's within your age range as a fangirl and writer. He's PERFECT! You can write anything with him as a muse! From angst to humour, even all the way down the romance isle! Little upkeep is needed with this muse, though be sure to keep him out of the light and give him a challenge once in a while.

Warnings for this muse: If you have him as a muse Butler is sure to follow. Just ignore the big guy and don't do anything too terribly bad to the boy genius and you should be fine. Also, he will chastise you on you grammar/spelling/etc, so try your best not to try and strangle him or kill him off on occasion. Okay, feel free to kill him off, but keep it in the fic!

Holly Short: Almost as common as Artemis. This is where people begin zoning out and falling asleep at their keyboards I'm sure. Okay, she's temperamental and dangerous, so watch out! Make one wrong move and you could be getting kicked off the site for spamming up with three fics of just the letter 'Z'! She's a good muse to have if you're a fan of any Holly/___ pairings as well as adventure and action. Not the best for taking the angst though, so don't even try. As said before banning. Spam. Mesmer. Bad.

Warnings for this muse: She has a bad temper, especially with fics getting her preggy or too much A/H fluff. The mesmer and her Neutrino can be deadly, especially to your online reputation! Be careful with this one!

Foaly: He's the sarcastic little centaur on your shoulder that got you wearing tinfoil hats and writing A/H parodies. He's Foaly! He's a good muse to have if your writing a story more technology based or with humour. I'd highly recommend him if you've got that _one _parody at the front of your brain but you can't find the words. He'll be sure to push you in right direction!

Warnings for this muse: As mentioned, he's sarcastic, so try not to take a lot of his put-downs to heart. He's just joking. Honest! Also, if you have this muse prepare for an entourage of F/O, F/H, or F/C. He's always been the sappy romance type ya know!

D. Butler: Ah, the man Mountain watching your every move. Make sure to have him around if you're doing an action fic, that's for sure! He can also be helpful with that comedy/romance you've been meaning to write for, like, EVER! You can't expect him to read all that romance/humour without some of it rubbing off on him!

Warnings for this muse: Be sure to use him only at night. He can and will hurt you if you suddenly take him away from Artemis during the day, so know your time zones! Also, I wouldn't recommend him for What Ifs? He tends to take it personally if you ask him for his opinion if on what would have happened he'd died this time or that.

Mulch Diggums. Keep him out of the light too. Don't want your muse to burn like bacon in the Sahara after all! Highly, HIGHLY recommended for humour, but he does have a mouth on him so I can guarantee everything he says will be PG. He's also good with a Crossover (Yes, the dwarf reads!), mostly TV shows though. Although he can read, he doesn't all that often.

Warnings for the muse: I assume you already know about the -err- waste issue, so let's skip it! As mentioned, he had a foul (no pun intended) mouth on him, so if you have a problem with swearing, English or Gnomish, stay away! Also, he has a small grudge against Foaly, something about hairspray and a loaded shotgun, so if you're a fan of Foaly, KEEP AWAY!

Juliet Butler: Ah, the kick arse girl we all know and love. She's great if you want a songfic with her wide range of musical tastes, though not recommended for poetry as well. She is the master of anime or manga. Crossovers as well as with certain teen novels. Not recommended for angst.

Warnings for this muse: She has a kick arse attitude and takes it personally if you insult Artemis or her brother and you _will_, without a doubt, get hurt. Try to stay away if you're into killing people off slowly and painfully or else you'll get some lead in your skull.

**Footnote: I've been recommending characters a lot in case you hadn't noticed. Now this has **_**nothing**_** to do with what stories to use them in. If it did, this wouldn't be a guide to muses. It's recommending what they can help you with, 'kay? So if you've got Julie in a murder fic and Butler as your main character in your next What If? It doesn't matter. Just make sure they aren't your muses for it.**

Angeline Fowl: This woman is a master with the written word, so if you're entering a competition or challenge for your writing, she's your muse! She's also good with Poetry and can help you break through the rhyming scheme and still have it be great. She'll help with just about anything though, so feel free to ask. Try to avoid stories before book 1 though, because those will most likely feature her insane and I think that's kind of a painful memory to bring up.

Warnings for this muse: None. She has no bad qualities as far as being a muse goes or any bad after effects.

Grub Kelp: Looking for someone to be your muse for your next hurt/comfort of friendship fic? Grub's your guy! The little guy can be annoying at times, but he is a master with H/C (Hurt/Comfort, not a pairing) and friendship! Highly recommended for abuse fics or self-harm.

Warnings for this muse: Has the tendency to stray from the task at hand and go into telling a 'War Story'. Several dozen times. Bear with him though, you might get an idea for an action fic from him yet. Something I have failed to accomplish.

Chix Verbil: The king of failing romance! If you want a funny romance that'll flow in the end, this is more certainly your guy. Of course, not everything this muse touches will turn into a funny and golden flop. I hear he's good with crime and mystery, though have truthfully seen none of this first hand.

Warnings for this muse: If you hate it when a guy flirts with you and won't take the zarking hint, stay far, far away mon cheri. This guy is desperate for a date!

Artemis Fowl (Sr.): Okay first, no clue why he's not up with Angie. I guess I just didn't feel like it. Anyway, he's the perfect muse for a good family fic! Mix it up with a little crime or drama and you've got yourself some reviewers pretty damn quick too!

Warnings for this muse: Just like with Angeline, none.

**Ending note: If I forgot any important muses please tell me. I strive for perfection here and I'm trying to leave no muse possibility untouched!**


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